The Riverside Reflection

It was all said and done, it was all over. It felt like he had lost a part of himself with everything. The people around him pointed out the fact that he was an entirely different person now, with this huge change. He devoted his entire time and energy to work and succeeding, slowly becoming sleep deprived. With his sleep, he also lost his appetite. All of these are worldly desires, he thought. Sleep, food, needs. And that one thing that truly eluded him…that he wanted the most in his life.

“I’m sorry. But this is over.”

The words were as impactful as they were, the first time they hit his ears. Even worse, there was nothing that could be done about that now.

Everything was perfect. They were engaged, the family was happy and they were preparing for the wedding ceremony. A slight disagreement between the women of the two sides led to this.. Their engagement was called off.

The desire to fight for it worsened when he had to pick sides, with the latter’s mother being on the other end. Torn and squeezed between the barriers of family and a future family, the hard choice had to be taken.

The house was empty, of course. It had to be and it will be empty, for him. It was his hard work, combined in one. What would’ve been a home for everyone that he loved and cared about. It was standing there, large in stature but quite tiny in his heart. It meant nothing to him now, following the aftermath of his engagement being called off. He shut the door behind him and looked at it one last time before glancing at the riverside. His reflection rippled into sight as he bent and was surrounded by thoughts and voice overs.

“I have worked hard all my life to raise you.”

“I still get proposals. My father can find me a worthy and suitable husband.”

“It is your own family that comes first, she isn’t your family yet. Why are you bothered?”

“So you’re not getting married?”

“You’re an amazing human being.”

“You were never like this before. And this is you before you’re even getting married.”

“I didn’t have a choice when I got married. You don’t have one too.”

“I can’t imagine what you’d be after you’ll get married.”

“How could you forget your mother and your sister? The ones that helped raise you.”

“If you aren’t listening to your fiancĂ©e right now, what makes me think that I’m going to be a happy wife?”

These thoughts and questions alike, ripped through his brain. This was an emotional storm, an emotional disaster.

The house was on sale. It was pointless for that house to exist in his lifetime if his family wasn’t there. His reflection looked back at him and all he could see was a different person. How one bad hour changes a person, forever. He had been in the darkness before, but that was with rays and beacons of hope, exposed. This right here, was the true darkness. A black hole. A never ending entity of misery.

The sky darkened infront of his very eyes, in a matter of seconds. No. He was lost in thought and transition. The cloud created in his head had taken his sights away from the obvious…

He shut the book as he could feel the sensation hitting him and he rested his head. The journey felt longer than usual. He was returning home after 2 years.

Moments by moments…choices upon choices.

“You hardly find time to talk to me.”

“My work schedule is tough. Don’t worry, it’ll be fine in some time.”

“If this is your work schedule now, what about it in the future? When we are married?”

Little did everyone know that he was sacrificing it all. For a better future. He was sacrificing his sleep, his needs to ensure that the future remained fruitful. And yet, it wasn’t acknowledged. Nor appreciated. A six month engagement, down the drain.

“There is no future with you. There can never be.”

In the end, nothing mattered. Those sweet words. The appreciation. The caring nature. That future planning. The good time spent. The love shared. None of it.

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Deadly Secrets

“Why did you say that?”

It all stopped, his surroundings blurred in and out as he was losing focus. He had entrusted them with his life’s biggest secret, his weakness. And yet, they exposed it to the people who’d use that secret to endure pain and mental torture upon him. The dead silence was suddenly killing every bit of him.

“But didn’t I keep your secrets? Close to my heart and soul? Dying on the inside but not even letting a word out that would give away your cover?”

I protected you like a shield, eliminating every route that would lead to the dearest information that could be used against you. That could be words of destruction. That would weaken your knees and you’d just give way and fall down to the floor…

He found himself walking out, with the roar of the waves bringing him back to his senses. The winds swept his unkept hair over and over to his face, slapping it. The air was cold, but so was his soul. He felt uncovered, exposed to the cold and harsh winds of the winter. The scars felt open and were bleeding, but had a cold exposure to it. Wincing in pain and dragging himself past the bushes full of thorns, his legs gave way as they lost the strength and his face hit the snow graced floor, tears streaming down his face. The cold snow killed his pain receptors and he felt numb.

No matter what happened, your secret was intact. Forget a secret….secrets and heaps of secrets…not even one had ever seen the light.
And yet, it just wasn’t enough. All these years, the role I played as a brotherly figure , as a guardian, fighting every form of darkness in your life and being by your side all the time, keeping your secrets close to my heart and not even letting a word slip out of my tongue, not for you.

Despite being the younger and the inexperienced one, he had to stand up as the man and act like one. Little did they know that one deadly secret was enough for him to be shattered and broken in the cruelest way, breaking him mentally and spiritually.
Finally his body felt the same. As his soul, his heart and his feelings.

The Mind and The Paradox

Lost in a paradox.

Walking past pavements, bristling past thorny fields, she was really determined about finding her way out of this dimension that she was trapped in. It was dark and cold, with the silent air touching her skin, giving her chills in the process.

“I’m not lost” she thought.

“You can get out of this.”
“It never mattered in the beginning.”
“That heart, have faith.”
“Don’t give in to the darkness.”
“You are a brave girl.”

A small ray of light was shining across the woods, illuminating a small portion of that side.

“It starts with that small passage. And then you follow it to get your way out.” said a familiar voice, in her head.

“If you get out of this, you will be an inspiration and symbol of hope for many.”

“They thrive on inspiration, they look around for hope. They need a chance at survival while being alive..”

She walked towards that beam and felt a presence around her. It grew stronger as she advanced, like it was stopping her from going to the light.

A dark claw appeared out of nowhere and caught her, pulling her away from the light.

“Not now. You belong here. You can never see the light, again.” it growled.

With her heart beating hard, she closed her eyes and continued walking ahead. The grip hardened as she could feel blood oozing from her left wrist. She kept on walking and praying, under her breath. It made one last attempt at the brink of the river….

“If it is worth giving in for the better good, why not?”

And then, it was gone. The blinding light destroyed it like a shadow and she didn’t open her eyes yet. She could feel the warmth radiating through her soul and she opened her eyes.

“Don’t let your past determine your future.”

It was a familiar sight, that beautiful hut decorated by the garden and the scent that was blossoming the air. Tears streaming down her face, she entered the hut and found her family there. She hugged them tight and she noticed that the blood on her hand had ceased …and the mark, was slowly fading away.

She was back into the light because of what she has in her heart, faith and acceptance. The darkness was never going to approach that strong girl.

Writing about her.

I was too busy listing out all the things that she had done that broke my heart, but I never listed out one of the many good things that she had done when she had left me, heartbroken.

The ability to express feelings when most fail to find the right words, the ability to draw ink out of the pen to the parchment, the smooth writing that turned blurry with the inclusion of tears and the handwriting gets shaky. The ability to describe how you really felt, doing justice for the words intended and the ability to relate to how others feel.

She, taught me how to write from the heart, not from the mind.

The only helping hand.

The mind itself is a beautiful disaster. Illusions and dreams alike, it ventures to dimensions and realms of unbent thoughts and hard felt realizations. The past experiences have dawned upon him and have ceased him from ever returning to the light ever.

It was funny. I was wandering in the darkness, as usual and a portal of light opened up. A breach, that had a force of good. It pulled me and there…was a hand. She had brought me back to the light and had overlooked all the scars and demonic residues the darkness had left. Marks and wounds plastered on my face, she rubbed it with her tender hands and suddenly, her touch was healing and soothing. And then it happened. A storm had arrived. She had to escape and I had to let her go, for her life. Since the love was real, her life and safety were the only things that mattered the most to me. She, is my world..and I couldn’t see it being shattered or destroyed. I was taken by the storm and it plunged me back deep into the darkness. My heart became hollow again and my soul, deceived. I was pulled back into the light to be thrown into this pit of darkness, again. I was brought back to the light to be blinded by it.

The world is huge. It is actually a lot bigger than we assume it to be, stretching forth the seas, oceans and landscapes. The vast population comes with mixtures of emotions and deep feelings. The tired, sad, exhausted and “lost all the hope in the world” type of people. Giving in more than 100% of yourself for something that you cannot imagine to lose ever, while people that you have been fighting for couldn’t fathom out the effort. People say a lot of things.
“No matter what happens, you will never truly be happy.”
“Never lose that heart, kid. I know people who’ve had that and never returned to the light.”
“You can’t lock up the darkness.”
“There are people in this world who deal only in extremes. It’s naive to think that anything less than extreme measures will stop them”
“I know people with none of that, worth 10 of you.”

There are times when you fail to express how you’re feeling. At times like these, miraculously, the words tend to find their way through another being. The ability to understand someone’s misery by keeping them in mind is truly an art. The human mind can create delusional paths as well as large monuments.

The thoughts rooted his mind to the dimensions of darkness, preventing the light. But then there were only a few. They made absolute sense because they, understood what it had meant, all along.